Doing my part to disrupt the space-time continuum.

There is ONE thing on the planet that – if it were to disappear tomorrow, I’d be like …

What the hell …?!!?

If this one thing were gone, it would severely challenge the point of living. From whence would come the rhyme? The reason? The purpose for being? Oh yes! You know what I’m talking about!

It’s CHEESE, my friend. CHEESE.

For cheese to disappear from my world would mean I’d have to pack my smelly little suitcase, hop on the nearest Mother Ship and find a new planet. Hopefully, one made entirely out of cheese, where the inhabitants place cheese wheels atop their heads as an adornment and hang those little Laughing Cow Mini Babybel cheese pellets from their earlobes. That’d be neat. I’d like that. I’d be like, Whoa! You you look hot with that cheese wheel on your head, and they’d be like, Whoa! Have one of my wedgies to become a sexy cheese head like us! and I’d be like, Whoa! Sure! Thanks! and they’d be like, Whoa. Come join us for some Stromboli!

Which brings me to the point of this post: Stromboli.

(That’s probably THE DUMBEST segue you have ever read, but trust me, it will be a dumb little bridge worth crossing.)

This recipe for Stromboli is little more than lust and passion rolled up in bread dough and baked at 375 degrees. And Oh, CHEESE  …  How you-complete-me.

I first discovered this recipe when I was trolling around on getting off on the food porn. The original poster, Jude Mulvey, titled the dish 3 Meat Stromboli.

While the name is somewhat provocative and could possibly solicit an improper thought, for the sake  a more PG13 type of food naughtiness, I re-named the dish 3 CHEESE Stromboli. Maybe not as sexy to some, but a total turn-on to me.

3 Cheese Stromboli: Great for fattening up you skinny bitches reading this post.

Having made this dish like … one hundred million times … I am confident in declaring Jude utterly and entirely brilliant in all ways Stromboli. The dish is simple, easily manipulated (I could REALLY get naughty here but I’ll refrain) and out of the ball park DE-LISH. I love it so much, I may just roll around in it naked again next time I make it.

Here’s all the goodies you’ll need:

1 loaf frozen bread dough, thawed
1/4 pound thinly sliced salami, deli ham and pepperoni
1/4 pound thinly sliced provolone cheese
2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese
1/2 cup grated Romano or Parmesan cheese (For the love of cheese, do not use the power crap! Grate the real thing!)
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon dried oregano
1 teaspoon dried parsley flakes
1 teaspoon pepper
1 egg yolk, beaten

Here’s how you make it:

1. Let dough rise until doubled, according to package directions. Punch down. Roll each loaf into a 15-in. x 12-in. rectangle. Arrange a fourth of the salami, ham, pepperoni and provolone cheese over each rectangle. Sprinkle each with a fourth of the mozzarella cheese, Romano cheese, garlic powder, oregano, parsley and pepper.
2. Roll up each rectangle jelly-roll style, beginning with a long side. Seal seams and ends. Place seam side down on two greased baking sheets. Brush with egg yolk.
3. Bake at 375 degrees F for 25-30 minutes or until golden brown. Let stand for 5 minutes before slicing. Serve warm.

Just so you know, I’m fully aware that this is in no way on your skinny bitch diet. Screw that! Stromboli told me to tell you that it doesn’t give a happy rat’s ass how fat your ass gets. All it wants is your love and affection and a little food passion once in a while!


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